The band, called DEA Contraband,
“Country Rock so good, it’s probably illegal” starts playing.
Sanderson in his giant sombrero does a John Wayne stance and says “Yo!” Kirk’s standing, watching the dancers. His girl has her arms draped around his neck, talking to him. They’re close, having fun. Kirk notices one dance couple, dancing way too fast for the beat. He smiles.
You two wanna pull it over here?
We weren’t going that fast, officer.
Yes, you were, Ma’am. Also, you were off the beat.
Listen, you look like a couple of nice kids. I’m gonna let you go with a warning. Keep it down. Keep it on the beat. Understand?
Hello. Mulvaney residence.
I’m tired of warning you kids about the noise every goddamned Friday night, every goddamned week, every goddamned semester. Now you turn that goddamn stereo down this goddamn minute or I’m calling the goddamn cops!
Thanks for sharing.
Hey, Ted, who was that?
I don’t know, Kirk. Bad connection. And most of it was in Japanese with a little broken English in between.
Yeah. He said he was calling from Tokyo.
Yeah. He asked if you’d mind turning the band speakers just a little bit more north-northwest. Seems he had trouble making out a few of the words in that last song.
Yeah, well, I figure that, except for the trade imbalance, we don’t owe the Japanese anything! (Looks around, drunk, and quietly, earnestly) Are you with me on this one, gang?
Yeah. Not anything. Nothing. We’re with ya, Kirk!
Nothing! Remember the Alamo!
Remember the Alamo? Who said “Remember the Alamo”? That you, Sanderson?
INT. KIRK’S PLACE – DANCE FLOOR – MOMENTS LATER
Band plays Jennings’ “Old King Kong”. Each boy dances like a “gorilla”, huffing and beating his chest, slapping his head from back to front, scratching his side. Each girl dances as if she’s terrified, shying away in mock terror from her gorilla partner.
There’s a pounding on the front door. Ted and Andria see it all through the house from the back patio. Kirk opens the door. It’s two city POLICE.
You Mister Kirk Mulvaney, 2621 Carter Drive?
We’ve got a noise complaint, here.
Huh? (To crowd) Hey, hold it down will you? It’s the police.
The Police! Really!? I have all your old albums.
Hey, Antoine! (Sax player stops). Sorry, ossifer. Antoine’s a registered sax offender.
Look, you’re going to have to break this up. (He looks at his watch) It’s 3:15 in the morning. We heard this party at last a block away.
That far? (Turns to other students gathered behind him and says): Well, damn me to junior high! Did you all know that?
No, Kirk. No way. Who could tell? No. No.
And how did you like it? (Cop looks annoyed) No? Didn’t like it? Prefer something more like ancient Barry Manilow or ..? Okay, we could play old Manilow, low. Or put on my famous Marcel Marceau albums?
Look, we could pull a few of you students in, just for an example. Maybe, the “disorderly” citation won’t stick, but you’ll spend a few hours filling out forms and it’s a $50 fine. You want that?
You want that?
You want that? No, I don’t want that, do you want that? No, I don’t want that, do you? Of course not. Do I look like I’d want something like that? No, you don’t; you don’t look like that’s the type of thing you would want.
Look. We’re losing patience and you’re running out of time.
Now, I want you all to disband and leave in an orderly manner. We’re not kidding; we’ll pull you in. And you first. (points to Kirk).
Ossifer, you’re making perfect sense. Isn’t he? (Others nod). (To others—) Quiet. (Hand motions others to silence. They know his signal). We’ll have to disband. It will be orderly. You will disband orderleeler in an orderleeler fashion.
There are a lot of people here, maybe two hunner, maybe…maybe more. Maybe more than… hunnerd. No tellin’ how many (shakes head). It would be dangerous to leave in a disorderleeler fashion, or in any disorderlyment. Therefore I urge you, though the police are here, though you face the threat of arrest, though your parents will be disgraced, disband orderly. Above all, don’t panic. Keep a cool head.
Did he say “panic”?!
Panic? No! No, don’t panic! Keep a cool head! Don’t panic!